Decisions.......

I have not signed in in a few days out of pure confusion. I have been trying so hard to save this marriage and now i sit here wondering why. I got to be honest with you guys and myself and take a little time to step back and figure out if this is worth the effort.
I do love my husband (well the man i married all those years ago) but the last 3 to 4 years have been rough for us. We have both done and said things to each other that continue to linger in my head (and heart). I keep thinking I am ready to forgive him and him me... but then it never seems to fail in a fight the past is brought up over and over again.
In the past few weeks I have tried to be positive but I keep finding things about him that I hate! He now cusses like a sailor and does this even infront of (and toward) our kids. He spends his days off sleeping the day away (is NO help around the house), he spends money (that we do not have) on stupid stuff with no consideration of whether the bills are paid or not, his temper is out of control- its like walking on eggshells all the time when with him. This is NOT the man I married.

So I am going to take a few days off from the 30 days- i have some decisions to make.